Awesome AHL Ref Go Pro Footage

Really cool footage from a referee helmet cam during an AHL game. It's got everything you'd want, a fight, a tumble, and a couple thousand teddy bears being thrown onto the ice.

Key and Peele TD Celebration

Lance Moore with the best touchdown dance of the year. If you don't understand it, you should watch more Key and Peele. Or just watch the video below. 

Its Over!

And the 2013 New York Jets season is finally over. No biting my nails at the end of the fourth quarter, no drinking beers to combat my annually repeated sadness. Just lying on the couch enjoying the revenge that is knocking the Dolphins out of the playoffs like they did to us in 2008 and 2011. Finishing the season at 8-8 is totally fine with me when you start the season with a second string quarterback, a suspended / injured starting running back (according to Madden 25) with Mike Goodson, and a laundry list of wide receivers where the only recognizable name is Santonio Holmes who is like 1000 years old and eyes that appear to be constantly bleeding.

Going forward, sign Rex to at least one more year as head coach. Let him learn from his lessons of not feeding the New York Post bravado headlines that end up biting us in the ass. Sucks that Milliner got two interceptions this game, I was hoping he would suck and would work his ass off this offseason and come back the quality player we were all hoping he would be from the start. Sign a veteran wide receiver as well as get some stud receivers from the draft to help Geno going forward. Keep improving the run game, beef up the defensive secondary and we've got a team that i'd feel confident playing against Peyton Manning. Not the Broncos, just Peyton Manning.

Anyways, like Elvis Presley is saying, its over. the 2013 season has come and gone and it's all anticipation for next year. Now lets get rid of Sanchez.

Fitzy Friday

Here's my friend Fitzy again. In this picture he is playing beer die, a great game if you are coordinated. Unfortunately, Fitz is sort of not coordinated. Point is, if you wanna win a beer game, play this game against Fitzy and his African American friend.

Fitzy also likes to bet, so you should make these games high stakes.

Peyton's Record Breaking TD Shouldn't Have Counted

HOUSTON (ESPN) -- Upon further review, Denver quarterback Peyton Manning shouldn't have set the NFL record for touchdown passes in a season last week, Houston Texans interim coach Wade Phillips said Friday.

Phillips said the NFL informed the Texans that Broncos receiver Eric Decker's second touchdown catch from Manning on Sunday shouldn't have counted because Decker was juggling the ball.

Phillips acknowledged that the league's mea culpa wouldn't reverse Manning's record, but he couldn't help but get a dig in before he left.

"Poor Manning," Phillips said. "He thought he broke the record."

What a crock of bullshit. NFL hates the Pats and that's that. Enjoy that asterisk next to your "record" Peyton. And yes, once Hernandez gets released and Gronk rehabs, Brady will break your shitty record.

Now its time to win another SuperBowl, which is a true measure of success in the NFL.

Snoop D-O-Double G Fist Bumps John Kerry

There's only one possible topic of discussion here: Marijuana legalization. Can't see what else John Kerry would be doing talking to Snoop Dogg/Lion at this gala affair. I guess when you're a politician that lost to George Bush in an election that anybody but Bush should have won, you gotta hang out with Snoop instead of all the old white guys.

Hottest Chicks with Beauty Marks

Since Big Bird is on a sabbatical of some sort, I have to pick up his slack.

Through the course of my workday, 40% of it is dominated by Facebook creeping crushes, keeping up on old flames, etc... (You're a liar if you don't do this too), and I came across this girl with amazing beauty marks. Now, dating back to the 50's with Marilyn Monroe, beauty marks were revered as very attractive features. In order to commemorate my recent creepy find I give you the top beauty marks in the model world, in no particular order.

Tip: Click on any picture to enlarge them.

Blake Lively:

Shannyn Sossamon (Knight's Tale):

Eva Mendes:

Natalie Portman:

Marilyn Monroe:

Scarlett Johansson:

Rachel McAdams:

Angelina Jolie:

Cindy Crawford:

Kate Upton:

Disclaimer: FriendTopia not responsible for any dick movements or getting yelled at by your boss for looking at hot chicks.

My Bone To Pick With Anchorman 2

So I went and saw Anchorman 2 last weekend and was actually pretty surprised with how funny it was. Usually Hollywood butchers sequels like it's their job (see: Dumb and Dumberer...). Altogether I was happy with the movie except for one thing. They cast Jim Carrey as the Canadian news anchor for the final fight scene. Why would you do that? I get it, he's Canadian, but his accent was fake and he wasn't funny. I think I have a good list here of people that without a doubt would have been 1 million times funnier:

5) Mike Myers

The guy is downright hilarious. A few quick one-liners from him and I know I would have been laughing my ass off. And he needs to rebound from some of the horrible shit he's been in like that Guru movie.

4) Any French-Canadian

In case you didn't know, most people from deep in Canada barely fucking speak English (yes that is a huge generalization, but it's not entirely false). It's a legitimate struggle for them and it comes out sounding like a French dude who had all his teeth knocked out in a hockey fight. Actually, that's exactly what they are so I suppose that makes sense. Either way, I'd get some enjoyment out of watching them attempt to read out their lines (assuming they can even read).

3) Will Arnett

Had no idea this guy was from Canada. He's just way too funny for me to even associate him with that country.

2) Rob Ford

Tell me you wouldn't pay double the ticket price to see this guy make an appearance in a movie. He can do no right, which makes for a ton of entertainment value.

1) The Trailer Park Boys

Had to be at the top of my list. Pure comic genius and all they have to do is be themselves. Total cost for hiring them: 4 packs of smokes, some dope plants and a new shed for Bubbles. Smokes, let's go!

Honorable Mentions: Eugene Levy, Seth Rogen and Justin Bieber (Nah just kidding, I fucking hate that kid).

Everything That is Wrong With the NBA in One Picture

Say it ain't so...Sherzees and candy cane jail socks. Whoever designed this and thought that it was marketable to NBA audiences is either blind or...well that dude must have been blind. It looks like Terry stole Beetlejuice/Robin Thicke's socks and wore 'em for this midseason snoozer. 

$109 for these piece of shit jerseys is just a little over my budget. That's like five thirty racks.

Thought: 

Instead of these ugly ass jerseys, how about we bring back some retro looks in the NBA for holiday matchups like in Thanksgiving football. Seems like I'm already a better marketing agent than everyone in the NBA offices.

Al Qaeda...Is Sorry?

Wait what? I'm confused. Really, really, confused. I know that we live in a world where if you're a celebrity like Alec Baldwin and you say the word fags to a reporter you're going to get scolded. If you're Paula Deen and you say something racist the next logical step is to say you're sorry. But when we get to the point where a terrorist organization who's sole purpose is to wreak havoc and cause chaos is making apologies shit has really hit the fan. Don't really know what else to say other than maybe i'm proud of Al Qaeda for realizing they made a mistake, now apologize for everything else you've done, seppuku yourselves and maybe well call it even.

Philly Cheerleader Also a Soldier Honored on Sunday

(CNN) -- Rachel Washburn once carried pompoms. Now she carries an M4 carbine.

The military brat who became an NFL cheerleader is today a first lieutenant in the United States Army.

On Sunday, she was honored as a Hometown Hero by the Philadelphia Eagles, the team she cheered for from 2007 to 2009.

The Bronze Star recipient served two tours of duty in Afghanistan, including one as a member of the Army's new Cultural Support Program.

It was a dangerous and stressful job, where she would go on missions with special operations forces and help search and talk to Afghan women and children.

"We could be their voice during missions for engagement to ensure security on objectives, and we could help search and secure the females and the children during missions," she told the Philadelphia Eagles website.

Nothing screams freedom and AMERICA like a football cheerleader going to war in Afghanistan and getting a bronze star.

Thank you Rachel Washburn, for your courage and for providing some great eye candy while fighting Al-Qaeda at the same time.

The Al-Qaeda guys must have spontaneously combusted at the sight of a hot female carrying a gun and reading to kids. Complete 180 from what they allow their women to do.

BONUS:

Oh my God.

3, 2, 1, 4, 5

We don't negotiate with goats.

Fastest Slapshot Ever Recorded

Chara who???  Chris Kreider just annihilated the Wild and Nick Backstrom single-handedly. I've never seen a prettier goal. 

US Women's Hockey Daily Threesome

Sochi is just over a month away and most people are unprepared for the US Women's hockey team's impending domination of the rest of the world. Lately the laced up ladies have been beating the crap out of Canada up in North Dakota, and it has been fierce... 

So i'm going to do my part and give you all a daily threesome of the who's who on the roster. By the time Sochi comes around you'll know so much about the team you may actually watch a game. Starting with the stone cold broads in between the pipes I introduce you to to Molly Schaus.

Height: 5’9”                       

Weight: 156                 
Catches: Left   

Goals Scored on Opposing Goalies while in Net: 5             
Birthdate: 7/29/88
Hometown: Natick, Mass.
Most Recent Team:
Boston Blades 
College Team:
Boston College 

Molly is the quintessential female hockey player. Raised in Minnesota with two older brother. She was a figure skater but her brothers forced her to play goalie on their back pond after watching the 1980 men's olympics team stomp all over CCCP. Little did they know she'd end up being a top goaltender representing me, you, and the red white and blue. 

Next in goal, Jessica (the gals call her Jessie) Vetter.

Height: 5’8” 

Weight: 155 

Catches: Left

Fighting Majors: 24

Birthdate: 12/19/85

Hometown: Cottage Grove, Wis.

Most Recent Team:

Oregon Outlaws 

College Team:

University of Wisconsin

Anybody born in a place called Cottage Grove, Wisconsin has to be a hockey player. And if you happen to be Jessie Vetter, you become the starting goalie on the boys hockey team. She also won three state championships playing soccer where i'm pretty sure she was just keeping her legs loose waiting for the hockey season to start back up again. 

Last in goal, but of course not least Brianne McLaughlin. 

Height: 5’8” (174)
Weight: 130 (59)
Shoots: Left

Saves: Everything
Birthdate: 6/20/87
Hometown: Sheffield, Ohio
Most Recent Team:
Burlington Barracudas (CWHL)
College Team:
Robert Morris University (CHA)

Hailing from Sheffield, Ohio Brianne McLaughlin is your all american women's goaltender. According to Wikipedia, unlike most biographies on the site she did not have an early life. She was born in 1987 and then began her playing hockey career in 2001 at Elyria High School where she also played softball, basketball, volleyball, and ran track. I don't know how thats possible unless Bradley Cooper gave her some NZT. 

New Jane Doze Mix: ZzZzS in the Trap

Enjoy the latest release from the chillest girl DJ's in the game. Just dropped last night, and features some trap mashups of classic jams such as "The Recipe" by Kendrick Lamar and "Heaven" by Jay Z.

Give it a listen and RUN THE TRAP!



P.S. Smoke alert

Apple Brings Families Together

Apple came out with this advertisement earlier this week.  My immediate observations:

1. The kid is dressed like a dweeb.  No way he's actually talking to people on his phone.  If anything, he's stalking hot girls and taking dick snap chats OR is looking up ways to destroy the universe.
2. He does a lot on Christmas.  You're telling me he goes sledding, makes a snowman, bakes cookies, exchanges gifts, and gets nap time on Christmas?  I bet he got destroyed in the snow ball fight.
3. Where are the hot cousins?

It's pretty cool how Apple can market the technology, show their phone a few times in a commercial, flash a logo, and sell billions of iPhones.  Really smart for them to try and debate with people who believe that giving this level of technology to someone at such a young age can be damaging to their social character.  But I guarantee you that only 1 in every 1,000 9 year-olds who have an iPhone would even think of doing something like the kid in the commercial.  Nice try, Apple.

Basically, Apple can still do whatever the fuck they want until they have anyone remotely close to being competitor.

Friend: It's like BP promoting environmental clean-up.

Brady Lights His Blount: Patriots Smoke Ravens

Absolute miracle that the Ravens won the Superbowl last year. I mean when your overpaid QB starts doing this to himself on the field:

then its probably gonna be a long day.

P.S. What a boring game. Kinda reminds me of the golden years when the Pats blew every team out.

P.P.S. See what I did with the title of the blog?

UPDATE:

Peyton Breaks TD record...For now

Name dropping the greatest in your victory interview? Guess Brady really is your daddy.

Joe Biden Tells Women to Buy a Shotgun...

"Buy a shotgun, Buy a shotgun"

On second thought, just use a rape whistle and can of mace because you may end up blowing yourself up with a shotgun. I'm not sure Biden realized that not every woman can just pick up a high powered 12 gauge and fire consecutive shots without separating a shoulder.  Uncle Joe must have been rippin' Fireball shots before this interview.

BONUS:

God Bless America.

Davone Bess is on the Green Team

HELL YEAH. Davone Bess is my new favorite player just because of his guts to post this picture. And by guts, I mean stupidity. If there's one thing you probably can't do when you play in the NFL is post Instagram pics with Bob Marley, a rasta flag, and a blunt. But then again, he does play for the Browns so I guess when you live in a city as depressing as Cleveland, its alright to spark one once in a while.

Woman Gets Attacked by a Polar Bear

It's official. Bears hate women. A couple weeks ago I blogged about a bear attack in California, and now a polar bear has decided that it has had enough of Canadian women walking around getting free healthcare.

I'd like to note that bears are huge and that if you don't see a bear coming then you absolute deserve to be mauled. That being said, her description of a bear attack wasn't too shabby. "Run, run, run. Like paws on the shoulder kind of thing, then just like raaaahwwwrrr." She's a real Faulkner with words.

Not a good look btw. Hipster thing is played out lady.

P.S. Don't want, NEED, a baby polar bear for Christmas.

Kevin Youkilis' Japanese Name is Snow Squirrel

All I've heard about this whole Kevin Youkillis ordeal is that he's going to Japan to play baseball and his Japanese name sounds like "Snow Squirrel".  And that's about all I need to know.  Kevin Youkillis became irrelevant as soon as he left Boston.  I don't know shit about the transaction and numbers, but what if the Yankees were really pissed off that they can't get Tanaka and are paying Youk to go out there and hit 100 bombs off shitty, overhyped, and overpaid Japanese pitchers just to prove that American baseball ain't nothing to fuck with?

Love the play-by-play analysis, form criticism, and the instant replay of the squirrel crossing home plate:

A Randy Johnson fastball was always a top 5 way I would never want to die when I was 8 years old:

Hats Off to Josh Harding

(espn.go.com) ST. PAUL, Minn. -- Josh Harding has been perhaps the feel-good story of the NHL season, putting up numbers unmatched for a goalie, after revealing he has multiple sclerosis.

The Minnesota Wild goalie was placed on injured reserve Wednesday night to give him time to make adjustments to medication, and the team is confident he will return in top form.

"Over the next week, Josh will make a minor adjustment to his treatment protocol," Wild GM Chuck Fletcher said in a statement issued by the team. "Josh feels great and he looks forward to rejoining our team for our game in Winnipeg on Dec. 27."

That Fletcher put an exact timeline on Harding's return is encouraging for a team that has leaned heavily on him to keep it in the playoff picture in the demanding Western Conference. Harding revealed this summer that he had been diagnosed with MS but planned to continue playing while taking medication.

There were plenty of skeptics. However, after starting the season as the backup to Niklas Backstrom, Harding asserted himself as the Wild's unquestioned No. 1 goalie. He has gone 18-5-3 and leads the NHL with a 1.51 goals-against average and .939 save percentage. He is fresh off making 29 saves and stopping all three shootout attempts by Vancouver in Minnesota's 3-2 victory over the Canucks on Tuesday night.

Josh Harding, you sir, have some balls.  Diagnosed with a disease that affects your coordination and eyesight and instead of quitting your job as a pro hockey goalie, you just shove it right back in everyone's face. Not only do you win your starting job back, but you also lead the league in GAA and Save %. Yeah, that's about as impressive as it gets.

Had to give Harding a little shout-out here even though he probably hasn't even thought twice about what he's doing because that's just what hockey players are like. They're tough, don't care about attention or any of that, they just play the game they love and give it there all.  

Maybe that's why the NHL is far and away more watchable than the "dumpster fire" (as Friend so elegantly called it) that we call the NBA. Hockey players just play, and that's what we want to see. The NBA now is full of soft fouls and attention craving athletes, and it sucks to watch. If Lebron did anything this incredible he would remind us everyday and we'd have to listen to ESPN suck his dick and tell him how awesome he is.

So, hats off to you Josh Harding, keep doing you.

Fitzy Fridays!

This is my friend Fitzy. He has never played a violin before. I believe this is his rendition of Brahms Violin Concerto in D Major opp. 77. Spot on.

Have No Fear, Sarah Palin is Here

(www.politico.com)  Sarah Palin says the suspension of one of the stars of the show “Duck Dynasty” over recent anti-gay comments he made is an attack on free speech.

Palin re-posted a picture of her meeting with the stars of the A&E show on her Facebook page Wednesday night, writing that “intolerants” were behind the suspension of the show’s patriarch, Phil Robertson.

“Free speech is an endangered species. Those ‘intolerants’ hatin’ and taking on the Duck Dynasty patriarch for voicing his personal opinion are taking on all of us,” Palin wrote.

Oh, well if Sarah Palin says it's cool, it has to be, right? That is exactly what the Duck Dynasty guys needs here, the official pardon from one of the craziest people on the planet. That would be my worst fear if I said something stupid to a national audience. People already THINK you're crazy and now Sarah Palin is agreeing with you? Aw jeez, now you're fucked, now people KNOW you're crazy. I mean, I guess she has a point, but she's gotta know that no one takes anything she says seriously.

What I really find shocking here is that people are at all surprised that this is how this guy feels about homosexuality. I probably could have guessed that the biggest hillbilly on tv isn't too fond of gay people, just saying. I'm not really sure why it's news, yet here I am blogging about it. So I guess you win this round, Palin.

2013: What Brought Us Together

Powerful stuff. Watch and take a moment to reflect on 2013, a very memorable year, not just for all of the tragedies that have occurred but for all of the hope it brings us for a brighter future.

One more year about to be finished, and what do you have to show for it?

P.S. Sorry about getting all serious, but as Einstein once said: "Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people."

 If you don't choose to listen to Einstein then you are clearly an idiot. The guy basically invented science.

Russel Brand Fucking the System

Russell Brand throwing out some deep intelligent thoughts like a boss.  Maybe he's coked out of his mind and not allowing Paxman to speak.  And maybe some of his thoughts are borderline irrational.  Regardless, he sits on that hanging curveball question at about 0:30 in and fucking cranks it to left field.

Alaska Airlines Giving Priority to Passengers Wearing Russell Wilson Jerseys

Russell Wilson jerseys are already selling like funnel cakes, and a new promotion by Alaska Airlines could kick sales into overdrive. According to John Ferensen of Next Impulse Sports, the Seattle-based air carrier is offering priority boarding for passengers flying out of Seattle who are wearing Wilson's No. 3 jersey. The promotion comes as part of Wilson's new gig as official spokesman for the airline. The Seahawks quarterback recently inked a partnership deal with the air carrier, according to Nick Eaton of the Seattle Post Intelligencer, and will be assuming a role as the new face of the airline.

I don't agree with this promotion whatsoever. The Seahawks are 12-2 and Russell Wilson is still yet to lose a game while playing at home. Everything is going their way and they're practically guaranteed to make it to MetLife stadium for the Superbowl since with another home win against Arizona this weekend they'll have home field advantage all post season. 

The promotion that needs to happen is Jets and Giants fans should get free flights out of NYC on the weekend of the Superbowl if they wear their jersey to the airport. Public humiliation for free travel, Jets and Giants fans will be all over since they're still apparently comfortable enough going to games just to yell at Rex Ryan. Get them out New York before they burn the stadium down on February 2nd.

Movie Marathon Saturdays

A few weekends ago I had one of those classic movie marathon Saturdays.  I’m talking about the 8+ hour couch vegetable session which started as a curious flip of the channel.  A curious flip of the channel turns into the end of a classic movie.  And just when you think that FX, TBS, or whatever network you never watch is going to follow up that classic movie with Sharknado or some bullshit, they bring the heat.  Back to back.  No commercials in between (That’s how they ALWAYS get you).  Before you know it, you’re midway through the third movie of the marathon and it’s getting dark out. Somewhere between getting stoned, curling up in a blanket, and eating Miss Vickie’s all day you realize you‘ve wasted an entire day.  But in winter I am 100% supportive of that move. 

A true bum to couch relationship begins with an awesome set of movies.  Here are some of my ideas for great marathon lineups:

President’s Day

What better way to honor the first and current president of the U.S.A. than a marathon of Denzel movies.  The guy has won 2 Oscars, 64 other awards, and 77 nominations.  I don’t know shit about film awards but that sounds pretty impressive.  

1) He Got Game

2) Training Day

3) Inside Man

By the way, you can get Jesus Shuttlesworth jerseys?  I'm on it.

Shoutout to the 90’s

The 90’s is one of the weirdest time eras.  But it also brought Nirvana, light-up sneakers, mood rings, Bill Nye the Science Guy (I work with his nephew—shit you not), and my personal favorite: Nickelodeon SLIME.  

1) Fight Club

2) Casino

3) Dazed and Confused

Fight Club drops so much knowledge.  May be better suited in the number 2 spot depending on your Saturday morning brain activity.

Dazed and Confused has to be last movie of the marathon.  It’s the only way to become motivated and get off your ass to go out for the night.  

Kings of Comedy

Although they aren’t my favorite actors, Adam Sandler, Jim Carey, and Will Ferrell must be up there for most iconic comedic actors of the 90’s and 2000’s.  They’ve got to be in 200 movies combined, easily. 

1) Billy Madison

2) Me, Myself, and Irene

3) Step Brothers

Feel free to argue this list, but I had a difficult time thinking of other movies that would even qualify with FCC censorship. 

P.S. I don’t care what you say about Jim Carey.  He may be weird but he’s talented as fuck…at being weird.

Eye Candy

So you struck out Friday night and you’re feeling sad for yourself.  What could be better than spending a day watching movies starring these actresses?  Even if it’s only for 90 minutes a piece, it’s worth the fantasy.

1) The Break Up (Jen Aniston)

2) Fool’s Gold (Kate Hudson)

3) Forgetting Sarah Marshall (Mila Kunis)

Yup..

Yup…

And...Yup