GOD NO! PLEASE GOD NO!!!!
Now we gotta watch Jeets collect shitty little trophies everywhere he goes for basically just being on the Yankees for 30 years. Honestly hope the Sox just give him a huge painting of a middle finger, but they're way too classy for that. They'll probably just tell him that he can sit inside the Green Monster for a little while and give him a rosin bag.
Favorite Derek Jeter memory:
When I was little, I got a ball throwing machine that threw little wiffle balls for Christmas:
Basically just went yard all day in my cul-de-sac. The box that the machine came in had a huge picture of Derek Jeter in a batting pose and my Dad just told me to take a sharp object and stab him as many times as I could. I distinctly remember my Dad stabbing Jeter in the leg and yelling, "Torn hamstring!!". Ever since then, I've whispered or thought about Jeter tearing his hamstring every single time he goes up to bat.
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