Hannukah is here, which means little Jewish boys and girls look forward to shitty presents for 7 days in a row. My father was raised Jewish so I guess that makes me a half-Jew, even though I have never celebrated a singular Jewish holiday or even attended a Bat Mitzah. We've always talked about how it would be cool to celebrate some Jewish things, or even have more Jewish items in the house because believe it or not, there are some awesome Jew things. Here is a list of the top 5 Jewy things that you may or may not have heard of:
5.) Manischewitz Wine
This shit is the bombest kosher wine you can buy. My mom buys this occasionally just to sip on, but you could drink the whole bottle and literally not even be buzzed. It's a Passover staple.
4.) Matso/Matza/Matzah
The godfather of all Jewish food. Smother some cream cheese on these and you got a great snack. Or have your mom make you a matso ball soup...holy gamechanger when you're sick. They don't call it Jewish Penicillin for nothing.
3.) Dr. Brown's Sodas
Dr. Brown somehow perfected the art of making gross sounding flavors taste absolutely delicious. For example, "Cel-Ray" is actually celery flavored, but my Dad makes an annual trip to the Lower East Side every year just to pick these up. Also, Dr. Brown has the best cream soda ever made.
2.) Lox
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You should just stop what you are doing and get one of these sandwiches immediately. Lox is the Yiddish word for Salmon, and that's exactly what this is. Cream cheese, salmon, and onions on a bagel of your choice. An authentic NY treat.
1.) J.A.P.'s
Jewish American Princesses. I would do anything to marry one of these. You know they got money and they typically have big knockers. Combination made in heaven.
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