I havent't cleaned up my friends list on Facebook since I started using it back in like 2007. As a result, I have to wade through heaping piles of verbal garbage in order to see things that I truly care about. Examples are posted above.
The first status is a generic proud parent status that honestly makes me so uncomfortable. I could give a flying fuck about your child. I don't have children (I think) so obviously we don't share any common views on the beauty of toddlers learing how to scribble or take a selfie. FYI, every toddler learns how to plug stuff in/dump water bottles/draw with a crayon. That doesn't make them a genius. Please do less with your Facebook, Status Poster Number 1.
The second status is mind bottling...
"My Brian is mush..." shows the accuracy of the statement but at the same time highlights the fact that we shouldn't know each other anymore. I'm sure that this person does not own a person named Brian and that he isn't a pile of mush. So this is my official adios to overproud parents and people that can't tell the difference between a brain and a Brian.
And then there's these people:
Oh so cool bro. Thanks for letting everyone know that you are a fictional character in an animated movie.
FIGURE IT OUT FACEBOOK
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