Reason 4509714 why New Jersey Sucks

Going to college in Massachusetts as a NJ native, I frequently heard the “Armpit of America” and “Jersey Shore” cheap shots.  They were never substantial arguments—I was just always outnumbered.  However, I stumbled upon this study recently and once again I’m left as defenseless as the New England Patriots (on February 3, 2008). 

In summary, these hippies from George Mason University conducted a study to evaluate each state’s freedom ranking in several categories.  Before I reveal some of the numbers, I’d like to point out that “pumping gas” is not on the list.  Some of you may be thinking…“Hmm well that sounds awesome that someone else will pump your gas for you.  Especially when it’s cold out”.  Well, someone else HAS to pump your gas.  That’s right—it’s illegal to pump your own gas in NJ.  So now I have a Middle-Eastern wrapped in 4 parkas on a warm spring afternoon with a pube-covered face containing sand from 10 years ago pumping my gas.  It literally took me 5 attempts to understand a “cash or credit” question last week.  After the first few miles of driving away without an explosion, I figured that an IED wasn’t strapped onto my car.  But it didn’t stop me from praying to Alah. 

Here are a few of NJ’s rankings:

Gambling #7

You’re up against competition like New Orleans and Vegas and let states like Iowa, Indiana, and Pennsylvania into the race?  Your neighbor? Better luck in the varsity tryouts next year Atlantic City.

Family Friendliness #45 
45 is bad.  But I’d rather not be on the other end of the spectrum.  Basically all of the Deep South.

Fiscal - #48

If Chris Christie gets elected—would anything change?  Maybe instead of being judged by the first lady for not eating organic vegetables, we’ll bring fat sandwiches to 12 new states.  

Overall #48

Whatever these bullshit rankings are, I’m okay with it as long as we can still have the Giants/Jets, Springsteen, diners, and a cosmetic sense of pride in New Jersey.