Old People Dominate the World

The absolute best part of holiday gatherings is listening to stories about how my Grandpa, Kenny "fucking" Powers (shit you not), fucks with any and every complete stranger in public.  It's awesome.  Once you get to a certain age, you must just start giving zero fucks about what anyone thinks about you.  You've probably been exposed to the same single vagina for the past 50 years.  Everyone thinks your senile and shit your pants.  So why not take a jab back at society?  Ken completely takes advantage of the fact that "old people are always innocent".  Have you ever been nervous to call out an old person for being a complete dickhead because you're afraid you're going to get some sob story about a recent diagnosis in return?  Believe me.  Old people know what they're doing.

Hospital Wood
Kenny is going in for some kind of EKG heart monitoring sensing thing.  Whatever it's called.  Doesn't matter.  A nurse was sticking these on him:

If you have ever had these put on before, you know the nurse has to rub it in real nice so that she can rip your hair off later (like the evil bitch nurse she is).  So as Nurse Betty is putting these on Kenny, he turns to her and says, "You know, if you rub my chest any longer I'm going to have an organism".  No--that's not a spelling error.  He actually says "organism" rather than orgasm.  And I'm convinced it's so that he can receive senile sympathy treatment.  

Education vs. Wisdom
Lowe's should just stop hiring minors.  99% of the time they have zero knowledge about home improvement.  How could they?  Unless they're Mexican.  But then they wouldn't be able to speak English and provide customer service.  Case closed.  99%. 

Kenny walks into Lowe's and strikes up a conversation with a pimply-faced "paint specialist" (We'll call him Liam--Liam's a soft name).  Liam begins boasting about how he just graduated 150th out of 400 students in his high school.

Kenny: Wow, that's great.  You know--I graduated 101st in my class.

Liam: Unbelievable, that's quite an accomplishment!

Kenny: Yeah, but it was a class of 101.  But hey--at least I'm not working at Lowe's 5 nights a week!

No Toys in the Toy Box
Prostate removal is pretty common nowadays.  Based on Kenny's experience, I'd imagine that once you realize your pride and joy is being removed you have flashbacks of the most glorious cumshots.  Though those may have been created with the birth of the porn industry.  Chicken of the egg?

As Kenny's about to be put down, he turns to the nurse and tells her a story.

Kenny: When I was a kid...and I misbehaved...my Mom always took all of my toys out of the toy box... But she could never take toy away (as he points towards his groin). 

And that's how Kenny and his prostate parted ways.  I'm pretty glad to have the old bastard around.  Goes to show you that no matter what the situation is, there's always a way to make the best of it.